T (family) (is) Minus One.....

Every now and then, it's a good thing when the man of the house can emerge from his "domestic cave", and hang with his fellow dudes, free of biological family members. Being that my husband lives with two human females, and one female feline, this can be a r-e-a-l-l-y nice thing...

Anyhoo.... one of Husband's partners decided to celebrate the Holiday Season by having the guys over to his lodge (named after a statuesque mammal that frequents Sarah Palin's Alaska, no less...)for some good 'ol "male bonding", and steaks (my feeling is that the food probably clinched a good turnout more than the promise of fellowship). Husband mentioned the Event to me, and asked if it was cool, which it was. Little did we know that it would become an issue with both children.

Husband is pretty much the ultimate 'family man'. He is usually "present and accounted for" at all family mealtimes, and never misses Child's Meets/Concerts/etc. Moreover, he works from home most days, so he's just a flight-of-stairs away when Child gets back from wherever. He is pretty much a fixture in the house...

So, here is how both the human child, and the fur one, dealt with the most heinous 'disturbance in the force' (Husband taking a brief leave-of-absence):

Chapter 1: Child

Child came down to breakfast around 6 AM yesterday morning. Despite the early hour, her brain was already processing what would be the deal this day:

Child: "I am not going to see Daddy until tomorrow morning!!" (Child had full day of school, then an evening practice, which would keep her out-and-about till 8:30)

Me: "Yep, that's right."

Child: (looking anxious, yet age -appropriately annoyed by the whole thing) "This sucks."

At that point, it was time to drive to school. Not too much more was said about the subject, and she happily departed my vehicle to walk the rest of the way with her BFF. About seven hours later, though, it was time to return for pick-up. Time for a little bit of 'Groundhog Day':

Me: "How was your day?"

Child: "Pretty good. Did Daddy leave for his party yet?"

Me: "Yep. He was gone all day."

A few humorous tidbits about the day were shared, and then we arrived home in time for Child to get her hour's worth of homework done before running out the door again for Practice. Child rocked her homework, and decided to spend her extra time adorning her assignment notebook with stickers (which she has not asked/used/given a darn about in the last year):

Child: "Mommy, I used to keep my stickers in this box. They're not there now! When you moved my stuff around, where did you put them??"

Me: (normally having the memory of an elephant, but presently having a pretty serious middle-aged mental block) "I honestly can't remember. Are they on your dresser? Top of the closet?"

(The sound of a chair being dragged into Child's room is audible. Pretty soon sobbing, yelling, and whinning also commences..)

Child: (unintelligible freaking out) ".... my stickers! I wish Daddy was here!!!!!"

Things were going South quickly. Ah Ha! I remembered something that would be able to get the "Mood Swing" to swing 180 degrees in the other direction....

Me: "Hurry and get on your leo and do your hair! Your new dowel grips (which are simply the bestest thing in the world when you're a 12 year-old girl) arrived, let's get to the Gym early so we can have Coach check them! (insert b-i-g smile here)"

Child: (face shows radical 180 degree mood transformation) "Yay! You're the best, Mommy! I'll be ready in 5 minutes!"

As luck would have it, Coach determined that said grips were too small; Child's excitement about having them for practice was now snuffed out. I left the Gym, and hoped everything else would be cool. Three hours later, it was back to the Gym, to gather a hungry, and tired, Child:

Me: "Hi, how was practice?"

Child: "Hmmp. Is Daddy home yet?"

Me: "Nope, it won't be until later"

Child: "When he gets home, tell him to come see me. Also tell him to come down to breakfast in the morning. I can't believe that I'm not going to see him until tomorrow!?!"

Me: "I don't know if I'll be awake when her gets home, but I'll do my best.."

So, like most Wednesdays, we arrived home to yet more homework, and then Child's shower time. After getting all cleaned-up, Child came down to grab some dessert, and veg in front of the tube for a bit. At least one reference was made to the "Missing Husband". At the appointed hour, I called for Child to come up for bed. What happened next was enough to fray the nerves of both of us:

Me: "Oh my Gosh! The back of your head is magenta?!?!? What in the heck happened???"

Child: (casually flipping her blonde hair onto her shoulder, unable to see the back of her head of course) "I don't see anything wrong!"

Me: (having an "Aha! moment" upon seeing magenta scrunchie in Child's freshly-washed, and soaking wet hair) "Your scrunchie bled dye in your hair! We need to get you upstairs and rewash it right away!"

Child: (mustering all of her strength to let out a huge whinning diatribe) "I just tooook a shower and I'm still coooolllld! I dooooon't want to get in the shoooooower again! NOOO!!"

It was now about 10 PM, and I shot Child my best 'death glare'. After a vigorous scrubbing, blowdrying, and (consolation) hair braiding, it was finally time to hit the hay.

Child: "I wish Daddy was here. He always does bedtime."

Me: "( Exhausted stare. Take me away, Calgon, take me AWAY....)"

I cannot remember the last time I was so exhausted from the 'process' of going to bed....

Chapter 2: Kitty

As mentioned earlier, Husband has not only a human child, but a furry one, as well. When she's not filling the role of the family "2nd born", Kitty also moonlights as Husband's sidekick in his home office. Like Child, Kitty is pretty much used to Husband being home all day, and changes to that routine can become a bit upsetting:

(Kitty is sitting in the doorway of Husband's Office)

Me: " 'Dads' went to work today. He's not here, Kitty."

Kitty: "Niiiiccce, what am I supposed to do with myself all day? That guy pets me...COME ON!"

Me: "Wanna come downstairs with 'Moms'?"

Kitty: (starts nervous grooming) "No thanks. I'm holding out for the slim chance he returns early, Woman! Hmmm, maybe I'll see how much hair I can get on his computer- hee, hee"

Kitty somehow managed to make it through what would have been *their* workday. At dinner time, she couldn't be fooled anymore. Patience was running thin...:

Me: (noticing cat looking at Husband's empty chair at the table) "Dads isn't going to be here for dinner tonight, Kitty!"

Kitty: "You've got to be friggin kidding me! It's late, and that means that I eat over there on the floor, and he eats on this high-up thing! This isn't funny anymore.... (starts nervous grooming)"

Late evening time is pretty special for Kitty and Husband. For the first two years of her life, Kitty was pretty much my "lap cat"; the last two years, however, have been all about Dads. Well, tonight there was no Dads; would this be the game-changer that I'd been waiting for????:

Kitty: (looking around for Dads. Scornfully eyeing the only available lap- mine) "OK. It's time for my nightly lap. Dads still isn't here. Hmmm..... Woman, you're just going to have to do for tonight."

With that, Kitty lowered her standards, and sat on my lap. I sat there and realized then and there that I had become "sloppy seconds" to a creature that licks it's own bottom... riiiiight....

Of all of the routines that Kitty and Husband share, their bedtime ritual is Kitty's absolute favorite. Because of Husband's allergy to Kitty, the door to the bedroom is closed all day. When we go up to bed at nightime, however, she is allowed to come in for a bit. Kitty plants herself outside of the bathroom door while Husband gets ready, waiting for her nightly scratching/attention. Time to explain that there would be none of that this evening:

Me: "Dads isn't here tonight, Kitty."

Kitty: (starts nervous grooming) "It's been a rough day around here, Woman! Now this??? Well, I'll just run under your bed, then! How do you like them apples?!?!"

Me: (Slowly approaching Kitty, knowing that any abrupt movement will send her under the bed, to the *exact* center, where she cannot be reached) "Time to go night-night, Kitty. Time to see Child!"

After throwing more objects than I care to name, I finally got Kitty out from under the bed, and out the door. She expressed her disgust by howling, and running manically up and down the staircase. Point noted already, Animal- thanks!

After the "Dog and Pony Show" that was the evening, I was relieved to turn off the lights, and just fall asleep. I never *heard* Husband come in last night, but I was made aware of the fact that he was 'in da house' by the incessant pawing on our bedroom door by Kitty as she tried to get to her Dads....

Even after his late night, Husband unselfishlessly awoke in time to have breakfast this morning with Child, and to 'acknowledge' Kitty. I don't think a guy ever felt so appreciated, or missed, at 6 AM in the morning. I'm glad that Husband had a chance to get out for a bit, but I'm very happy that the T family will not be 'minus one' this evening....