Let Out The Leash, or Clip the Wings?

Well, hello all! It's been quite awhile since my last blog. I'll just write that off to general life, and the new job. The new job also requires writing, but does not allow me to fully exercise my "snark muscle", which sends me back here...

Many of my past posts have been of the more humorous-type; reflecting on the day-to-day existence in a household with a teenager. This post will, again, deal with 'said' teenager, but rather the challenges of releasing her into the world (in its current state).

Having just celebrated yet another birthday, I'm feeling kind of old. The old part, however, also makes one predisposed to being a bit nostalgic. When I was Child's age, I used to spend many weekend days, with my pals, exploring the local malls, bowling alleys, and fast food eateries- sans parents. I would be shoved (literally, traumatic childhood..) out the door on fine Summer days after lunch, and told not to return with "Trigger" (my faithful mode of transportation, aka my banana-seated 70s bike...) until dinner. There were no cell phones, and no pagers; just a wrist watch and my own wits. Not to sound like too much of an antique, but those were the days!

Now.... humor me, and fast-forward to the present day... Child has a "thing" for shopping. I enjoy shopping just about as much as I enjoy discovering new gray hairs. What could possibly appease her need to spend, and my need to...well...*survive* the HOURS that it takes for her to spend? Well, it takes the company of good folks, that's what!

So, about five days ago, Child and I set out to the local urban mall with one of her best friends from back in the day, her friend's 'lil sis, and her friend's Mom (also one of my good friends... cheers BL! :) ). There had been questionable activity at this mall in the past, but we figured that arriving at ten in the morning would be a pretty safe bet, as the thugs would be most likely sleeping-off the mayhem committed from the previous evening. Child was armed with her cell phone (volume set to ear-rupture..), and Friend's Mom and I had our phones set to a similar frequency. Time to let out the leash a bit on our two, and do a little browsing ourselves. Getting a bit tired of trailing two teens, 'Lil Sis decided to hang with us old ladies.

So...we were leaving Talbot's, and 'Lil Sis piped up, "Mommy, they just made an announcement that all people under 18 need to be with a responsible adult NOW!" Friend's Mom and I checked our trusty cell phones, and noted that it wasn't even quite 1 PM; this directive was usually set into place on weekends, after 3 PM. The three of us proceeded to go to the Guest Services kiosk to inquire further. The nice lady confirmed that this was, indeed, the case. When I questioned why it was in writing on their kiosk that this was to take place after 3, and they were enacting it *now*, I was given no good answer. Because Child had been so responsible with her own behavior (texting her location to "home base" each time she and her friend switched locales), Friend's Mom was quickly able to catch up with the girls to supervise them as I finished making a quick purchase.

As I arrived at the Barnes and Noble where they all were, I noticed quite a bit of police presence in the mall. Shopkeepers were also standing in the entrances of their stores, with stern and concerned faces. I caught up with my little group, and we finished out our pleasant day together. As Child and I walked to our car, I noticed more police activity then would have been expected in the parking lot, and also armed officers waiting at the city bus shelters. Hmmm....

Sooooo...Child and I got home and shared the events of the afternoon with Husband. He and I felt pretty much the same way that it was really *odd* for the mall to change their rules without warning, and how it pretty much sucked that our girls, who were out for nothing more than jump-starting the economy, eating fast food, and gossiping, had lost an opportunity to explore on their own. Of course life started moving at its usual quick pace, and I didn't give the incident any more thought until I read an article in the local paper about how disaster may have been averted that day...

It turns out that a bunch of teenagers had attempted to organize a flash mob at the mall (at the exact time the fateful announcement had been made) "to fight, to loot, and to run the place". Some local urban leaders had gotten wind of what was showing up on the social media, and had alerted not only the mall security, but the local law enforcement, as well. These individuals probably saved a lot of people from being injured, and quite a few businesses from being destroyed that day. Just another day with kids with too much time on their hands, and not enough parental involvement to lead them down the right road...

When I first read the article, I was glad that all five of us were able to have had the good time that we did, without incident. After reflecting a bit more, however, I started to get really (pardon me...) pissed-off. I raised my child to be...well...human! I am happy to say that she has impulse control, and the ability to think/feel from the perspective of others. Because she's mastered these skills, I feel that it should be part of her social/independent-survival learning to be able to go out into the "global classroom", and learn to conduct her own affairs. That's what Friend's Mom and I were trying to do that day; be present in the mall, yet let them have a bit "more slack in the leash". They kept in contact with us by phone, and they respected both the property, and the people, that they encountered in the various retail establishments.

This, my friends, is what really disturbs me to my core: what if things would not have turned out the way that they did? What if my daughter, while innocently spending time with an equally-mature friend, would have been physically harmed by the "savage" teens? Why should I have to feel that I need to take away my daughter's freedom, which she has earned through responsible living, because I cannot guarantee what the actions of the more "savage" teens will be? I'm telling you, this certainly is not the world that I grew up in...

I really believe that the whole root of this problem comes down to parents that just don't give a damn. Kids who act like "savages" don't just end up like that overnight; it is the sad result of ineffectual and absentee parenting. Society should not have to suffer diminshed security, and enjoyment, due to these kids. I honestly believe that these parents should be punished right along with their children. If the parents are unable, or unwilling, to provide the structure and the training within their own homes to produce children who will comply to the laws of the society in which we live, the children should be taken from them, and they (the parents) should be forced to pay restitution for the destructive acts. I believe that it shouldn't be an excuse that these "savages" are just "kids"; if a person sets out to be violent and disruptive, he/she doesn't deserve the right to move freely "about the cabin" anymore. Maybe instead of using all of those federal stimulus dollars to fund the repair of our Country's roads, we should expand the number of residential juvie facilities to allow the rest of us to live our lives in peace! It doesn't take a certain annual income , or a certain zip code to be a good parent; what it takes is expecting your child to conduct him/herself in a "human" manner, and not being afraid to set him/her straight when she/he strays from it. I've already told Child that if she chooses to drink or drug, I will turn her over to the local authorities; those activities are illegal- period. She is also aware that our home is not set up to be an alcohol/drug rehab, and if she chooses to partake in those activities, she'll need to find a new place to live.

Husband and I were out for a rare dinner alone the other night. We were seated near a party with two young children, and (in theory) two supervising adults. The youngest boy, probably just shy of 3, was excessively loud, and rude to both adults; both of them (probably under the influence of a couple of margaritas) just "laughed it off", and called him a "terror". Their dinner came to a head when the little $hit decided to escape his table. The (clueless) adult chased this kid from table-to-table, and almost knocked over an extra chair at our table (no apology...of course!). When the kid was finally found hiding under yet *another* table, the woman just got this goofy/helpless look on her face, which basically said, "Oh well, I can't control him. He's just little. We deserve a night out, and dealing with him kind of puts a crimp in ours. Oh, well- kids will be kids!"

Yep...kids will be kids. We adults, however, need to take a stand to do whatever it takes to raise our children to be able to exist in society without (at the very least) being a thorn in the a$$ of it.