Mastering the Art of (one sided) Converstaion

In my previous life as a teacher of young children, I had the unique, and rare, opportunity to have worked with three children who had Selective Mutism. For those unfamiliar with Selective Mutism, it is basically when a child is fully capable of speaking, but consistently refuses to do so , due to a feeling of discomfort, in certain settings (like school). Usually, these kids are pretty bubbly around their families in their home settings, but choose to remain silent in settings in which they are less familiar/comfortable.

When I worked with these kids, I would simply speak to them as though I would get a reply, and when it didn't come, I just made a "matter of fact one" on my own. I had always joked that as a young 20 something without kids, I was getting great practice in dealing with other people's kids before I had my own. Little did I know that what I learned about dealing with Selective Mutism would come in so handy with the average 12 year-old!

For years, I would marvel at the fact that my daughter would simply not stop talking. A lot of it didn't always make sense/hold my "adult interest", but, nonetheless, it flowed freely. Earlier this year, after dropping my daughter off at school, I noticed other vehicles headed in the direction of the Middle School, with tweenagers in the passenger seats. Interestingly enough, almost all of those kids had blank expressions on their faces, and were either staring straight ahead, or out the window (can you say, "Calgon, take me away!). Hmmm.... I thought, how interesting....

Well, now I'm the Mom driving towards the Middle School with my child in the backseat (too petite to risk the airbag in front), anxiously biding her time to be set free from the forced proximity a vehicle brings . She strategically positions herself directly behind me, so as to limit my ability to make eye contact. I am now fluent in "car language". A simple, "hmmmm" to a statement/question that I've asked means the mood is "ok". Silence in response to the question/statement, with an added "stink eye", means, well, you can imagine what that's saying...

In this new stage of limited conversation, I've truly learned to value the times that she does open her heart/life to me. Those special occassions have the ability to reassure me about "where she's at" in life. Some of those talks have been so honest/deep, they have almost brought me to (happy) tears. When we're in the drought period, however, there's always the fun of having a one-sided conversation (Mom powered) with her sister, the Siamese Cat!