An open letter to my daughter on Mother's Day....

Today is the 12th Mother's Day that I have celebrated, because you are in my life. Some of them were rainy, some sunny. Some went according to the "plan"; others meandered down their own trail.... but for all of them, we were together.

When I became your Mother 12 years ago, I had no experience and no mentor. You were new at the whole experience of being a baby. Over a couple of weeks, I learned that your cries had different meanings. You learned patience, as it took me some time to figure that out.

When you were four months old, I found out that you would have some visual challenges. The Doctor told me it would be a couple years before we knew exactly what the outcome would be. You kept on playing with your rattles, your board books, your baby gym. I watched as you seemed so content in your world, and that helped me worry a little bit less.

When you were a preschooler, I found out that your vision was the best case scenario that we could have hoped for- what a relief! We were told, though, that you would probably never ride a bike, and would probably be a bit delayed in gross motor activities.

When you were in 1st Grade, with fierce determination, you taught yourself to ride that bike in the alley behind our house. Not only did you ride it, but you rode it fearlessly. Around this same time, you also started gymnastics classes. At first, you would fall off of the floor beam after almost every step. You worked so hard in your classes, and were eventually invited to join the Team, where you would compete ALL events... including that beam.

When you started school, you showed a love of learning, an ability to connect with your teachers,
and a knack for picking fun friends. Sometimes the lessons got a bit hard, and sometimes you got a teacher that didn't quite "get" you as much. At times, the girls that you felt the closest to became like strangers. Through all of that, you learned how to be a true friend, and how to recognize, in turn, if someone was being a true friend to you.

You developed your first crush this year, and shared those new and intense feelings with me. Listening to you talk about it showed me what you have learned about love in your short life. Hearing you speak about your feelings brought tears to my eyes at times. I could see from our talks that you knew how to choose the right person, for all of the right reasons.

On today's Mother's Day, you are almost my full height. You are at a place where you are formulating your own ideas and opinions about the world, but still want to "check-in" with me from time-to-time. You are capable of fully opening your life to me, but also need the reassurance of your own space, to make sense of so many new things. I look at you and am so impressed at the smart, empathetic, and funny person you have become. I dream of where those gifts will take you someday.

These past 12 years have gone by so quickly, and in 6 more years, I will be preparing to "launch you" into the world. I wonder what our connection will be like when I am no longer responsible for "raising" you. Someday, you may even become a mother. If you do, I wonder what parts of your own childhood you will continue with your own child(ren), and what you will choose to do differently.

Today, I wish you a "Happy Mother's Day", too, because had it not been for you, today would have been just any other day for me. We have our wonderful talks, and our predictable arguments. We don't always see eye-to-eye on the proper level of cleanliness for rooms, or for self. We are a part of one another. While we once shared a body, now we are connected through our hearts. I value all that having been your Mother so far has taught me, and I'm open to what will come................

Love,
Mommy