"Mini- Shorts, You Com-plete Me!"

The calendar says "March"; time for the Spring/Summer shopping season to begin! Yes, good 'ol Spring...The numbers on the thermometer are starting to go up, as are the number of hours of daylight. Inseams on most-desired-teen fashions, however, not so much...

From the time Child was an infant through about 5th Grade, clothing shopping was quite easy. Due to the fact that it was 'easy', it also went by another nickname- f-u-n! There were the lovely resale stores near our house which were lovingly filled to the brim by the many local shopaholics. Visiting those places was like a major treasure hunt, with Gymboree and Gap Kids clothes as the prize. When the resale stores didn't have what I needed, there was always Ebay. Oh...lovely Ebay; again, a 'virtual' treasure hunt with bargain haute couture for the 'wee set'. When treasure hunting didn't suffice, there was always Target. Target could always be counted on for having stock-up prices on jeans/shorts/skorts/yoga pants. The one thing that Target did lack, however, was 'cool' T-Shirts; thank goodness Old Navy filled that void. Yep, the clothing hunting grounds of yore were pretty well deliniated. Oh, and the other bonus? Child didn't feel the need to come along and voice any opinions on the threads- she just happily wore whatever I provided.

Well, kids, and their tastes, grow up. By 6th Grade, the Target jeans were no longer cool, and were replaced by Old Navy Ones. I could live with that. The cute, and cheap, Old Navy T's were still palatable, so I was quite content. All good things eventually come to an end, and that "end" in my household was the Spring/Summer shopping season of '10. There was a new coveted item seen on the frames of her peers; and its name was mini-shorts!

Having eschewed my old stand-bys of Target/Old Navy (forget the virtual shopping for a newly fashion conscious kid :C ), the two of us headed to a new pasture- Justice. It is my belief that any parent walking into Justice should be offered his/her choice of a tranquilizer, or a hard beverage. Between the blaring music, the over-abundance of technicolor frocks, and assorted toy/candy junk tossed randomly throughout the space, it's basically "Overstimulation, USA". Looking 'good' definitely has its price. For everyone.

Reacting to the ADHDness of her current surroundings, Child flitted around the store like the silver ball in a pinball machine. Eventually, her perpetual motion stopped, and she glanced over her shoulder to locate me:

Child: "Mommy! Look at these! They're mini-shorts! That's what I want!"

Me: (fingering the fabric, doing the mental math to figure out what percentage of derriere will be covered by garment) "Ummm...no. Too short."

Child: "All of the other girls are wearing these!"

Me: "Guess what? You're not!"

So after much collective bargaining (extra credit tie-in to the current political climate in my home state- yay me!), some better options were located. While the sherbet-colored cotton mini skirts were a bit shorter than I liked, they did come with a pretty cool standard feature; lycra spandex built-in (modesty) shorts! So, we grabbed enough of these wonders to get through a weekly laundry cycle, and went on our way.

Later in the Spring, a generous friend offered some shorts to Child. Having received them at the Gym, she got to lay her eyes on them before I did. She was very excited at pick-up that day:

Child: "Guess what! "_____" gave me her old shorts that don't fit anymore! They're mini-shorts!!!"

Me: (driving the car, focusing on the road, poising myself for the battle ahead) "Oh"

When Child got home, she tried them on. They were a lot shorter than anything I have seen her in since those cute little diaper covers that came with her baby dresses. Both Husband and I made sure that any sudden movement wouldn't reveal more than intended, ate some crow, and said "Ok". To say that she lived in those shorts last Summer would be an understatement. Not forgetting about her "old friends", she found them in a drawer and came downstairs sporting them the other day. Growing about 3 inches can change a lot of things...

Child: (smiling from ear-to-ear, strinking a pose) "I found my old shorts, don't I look good?"

Me: (studying the situation, trying to find the most tactful way to say what must be said) "Ummm... not so much. Your posterior is kind of hanging out. You are going to need all new shorts this year. You can send the Puberty Fairy a thank-you note."

Child: (not missing a beat) "Cool! I want mini-shorts!"

Like any attorney preparing for a trial, Child got on the internet to see what her options would be. Deciding that Justice was now a bit too babyish for her, she decided on dELiA's. Jumping from Justice land to dELiA's can be best described as going from swimming with the dolphins, to swimming with the sharks (while still being protected by a metal cage, or, in this case, an overprotective Mother..)

Child: "I found a bunch of shorts that I like in dELiA's!!! I really want some that have rips in them. Can we go to the mall this weekend?"

Me: (hearing the word 'mall', and suddenly feeling the need for a Tums) "We can look, but you know how I feel about too-short shorts. I also don't like the whole "hole thing"; doesn't that look a bit trashy?"

Child: (studying her fashion dinosaur of a Mother) "That's what's in."

Mother: "I'm not making any promises, but I will commit to looking."

Child: (knowing she is one step closer...) "Thanks, Mommy!"

Like Child, I also decided to do a little research before the outing. Turns out that the mini-shorts were twice as much at dELiA's. Gotta love those constant 40% off sales at 'babyish' Justice. It also occurred to me that the styles that Child wanted so badly would be a bit more, ummm....appropriate..... at Justice vs vampy dELiA's. A compromise was made:

Me: "I looked at prices on the internet. We cannot afford a full wardrobe of dELiA's shorts. Justice, on the other hand, has what you're looking for at half of the price."

Child: (looking distraught) "But I really want *something* from dELiA's!"

(Husband, yet again, just happened to wander through the wrong place at the right time. Time to once again prove that he can be the voice of reason in a household of all women)

Husband: "How about if she pays the difference for one of those pairs of shorts?"

Child: (face beams) "Yeah!:

Me: "As long as they meet my modesty guidelines..."

Husband: "Sounds good to me. (Looking at Child) Agreed?"

Child: (gleefully) "YES!"

Having kept the peace for yet another day, Husband's reward was to not have to come along to the (gulp) mall for the big hunting expedition. After stopping at Lens Crafters to undo the damage from Child's attempt to independently adjust her specs (read: bending unheated metal), the first stop was dELiA's. Even though dELiA's lacked the general carnival atmosphere of Justice, Child proceeded to dart from display of ever-so-short shorts to ever-so-short shorts. When she looked over her shoulder, I took my cue to enter stage left:

Child: "These are cool!"

Me: (caluculating inseam to be about 1 and 1/2 inches) "Too short"

Child: (sighing loudly, moving towards next candidate) "I like these"

Me: (eyeing rips on leg..) "Let me give it the finger test!"

Child: (rolling eyes in utter disgust, about to die from humiliation) "Oh. My. Gosh- Seriously?!?!"

Desperate times call for desperate measures. In my opinion, if the clothing companies create tears on their clothing, and I can stick one of my digits through it and make a 'puppet show', we've got a problem, houston. Sadly, those dELiA's shorts had enough rips for me to create quite the 'puppet show'. With my whole hand of fingers. FAIL!

After what seemed like an eternity, Child and I found one pair of shorts in the whole store that were a compromise of her inner fashionista, and my desire for her not to look like a trollop. That one pair of shorts, however, would not be enough for an entire Spring/Summer; time for 'Plan B', aka Justice.

Justice is located about four stores away from dELiA's. The entire time we were walking there, Child anxiously looked around to make sure that none of her 7th Grade peers would witness her going into that store. Luckily, not only was the coast clear, but I stood in front of her (a la Secret Service style) to further aid her goal of invisibility.

Me: (surveying the bountiful tables) "Wow! Look at all these shorts!"

Child: (walking sheepishly behind me, praying not to be seen) "Hmmmppp."

Me: (starting to see options, loading up my arms) "How about these two?"

Child: (still skiddish, but starting to see the light) "Ok."

After collecting an armful of options, Child retreated to the dressing room to try on the duds. Much to her shock, they not only fit, but looked good.

Child: (nervously) "I really like this pair..... but it has a rip."

Me: "Pass it over. Me and "Mr. Finger" will see if it's 'puppet show' worthy..."

Well..... whatdya know???? Justice actually thought to put in some 'modesty fabric' underneath the rip to prevent not only young flesh from showing through, but also obnoxious Mothers from making (embarrasing and obnoxious) 'puppet shows'. SUCCESS!

So after strolling by the rest of the Justice clientele (median age of about 8), we paid for Child's new shorts. She was happy that I finally conceeded to buying "mini-shorts", and I was happy that certain things were still undercover (well... and also that I could get out of the puppet show business... for this year, that is). Peace is good...

Ironically, we arrived home to a phone message from the same friend who provided last year's most loved mini-shorts. Turns out that they had a new batch of shorts to offer Child. From Justice. Size 12. And did I mention that they just happened to be "mini-shorts"? Yep... when it rains, it most certainly pours!